Love and Boundaries

We all look forward to seeing our significant other.  We can’t wait to hold them and spend time together.  Then why do we complain as soon as the walk into the door?  Why do we let all of our frustrations out before they even take off their coat? 

·        Those kids have zapped all of our energy.

·        We asked them over and over to do this one thing – and it’s still not done!

·        We had a bad day and they are the only one that can help us

There are so many reasons we ambush them at the door.  Ask yourself how you would feel if you walked in the door to an angry or stressed-out partner.  Odds are that you would be mad. 

Talk to them and ask how they want you to bring up the issues and when it would get the best results.  Communication is key here.

If you yell when they walk into the door and they react, they are setting a boundary even if they don’t use those exact words.  Respect their boundary and set one of your own.  

Were the kids fighting again?  What exactly do you want your spouse to do six hours later?  They can’t be punished after such a long time because they won’t understand why they are being punished.  Take care of that when the bad behavior happens. You can have a family meeting later to discuss why they are being punished.  Bonus points for making them explain it.  That takes the stress off your relationship and gives the children clear boundaries.

When you are clear on your boundaries and you respect their boundaries, you have less time to argue and more time for the happiness you both deserve.