Rebuild Your Partnership

7 - Rebuild your partnership.png

Now that your children are independent (whether they are at home or living on their own) you are trying to figure out what happened to your relationship with your spouse.  When was the last time you and your partner spent time doing things you love to do – together?  Do you even know the activities your spouse likes to do anymore or have you spent so much time focusing on the family that you didn’t take the time to be a couple?

 Don’t panic!

You can rediscover the things you have in common, rekindle the romance you’ve taken for granted, and rebuild your relationship to make it even stronger than it was before! 

 

I know, you’ve been so focused on everyone else, you don’t even know where to begin to rebuild that relationship!  That’s okay.  There are two of you in this relationship.  Have a conversation with your spouse to figure out what each of you wants and needs from your partner (both in and out of the bedroom).    Make sure to include:

Ø  What types of activities would you like to share with each other? 

Ø  What new activities would you both like to try? 

Ø  It would be helpful to write these down so that you can revisit them in the future, too. 

 

Once you have figured out the things you both like, want to try, or need more of in your relationship, talk about which activities you would like to try together and put a star next to them on the list. 

 

Talk about everything left on the list.  Remember to discuss:

Ø  Why they want to try it.

Ø  What exactly it entails.

Ø  Why you don’t want to do this certain thing. 


During this discussion, circle anything you aren’t sure that you want to do, things they had a good reason for wanting to try, and things you might consider if the situation were different.  You can revisit these things in the future.

 

Once you have completed both of those exercises, it’s time to deal with the leftover things.  You already know one of you don’t want to do it.  You each know the other person’s reasons. Is this something you would be okay with them doing on their own?  If not, why not.  It’s important to let them know.

Example:  If my husband wanted to go to the casino and I don’t like to gamble, we could:

Ø  figure out what else I do if I went with him. 

Ø  Find someone else to go with him.

Ø  Discuss that we don’t have the money right now and revisit it in the future.

 

Did you notice that I did NOT say that he couldn’t go?  That’s because even if I don’t like that he’s doing something, I am not in charge of his actions.  I can give him my opinion, but it’s ultimately his choice. 

 

Once you have the basics of communicating your wants and needs, schedule some of the activities on your calendar.  Set a reminder on both of you phones so that you remember to do those things.  Then make it a priority to spend those times together. 

 

Spending time together helps you strengthen the foundation of your relationship.  It  helps you build better communication skills, which helps you rekindle the romance and take back your relationship.

Michelle Mical

Michelle Mical is a Chronic Illness Coach and Midlife Facilitator who can help you figure out what is making life so hard and what you can do to fix it. I can help you stop feeling guilty and give yourself permission (and the tools necessary) to allow other people to help you through the bad days. I want you to know you are not alone and that it's okay to ask for help. Let's talk!

https://michellemical.com
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